So in 11.5 hours I will (hopefully) be awaiting takeoff. I'm off to Vegas for 5 days, and I absolutely cannot wait!!! I'm so excited I finally get to take a vacation from the norm and enjoy some serious 100 degree weather,shopping, dining, and who could forget... Partying!!!
Btw if you have any tips for getting into Vegas clubs when ur underaged let me know!
Anyway so it seems apropo that I would blog about my fear and anxiety about flying. First things first, I have terrible and unrational fears of being interogated by airport security because I'm not American. I've done my research and I know my rights- you do not need a visa if you're just visiting from Canada, and you can fly with your passport as your only ID. Still nerve wracking.
Next, is my fear of the flight going terribly wrong. I know the odds are in my favor but let me just get this off my chest: God forbid something happen to me on the flight or on vacation- take good care of my stuff! Don't bury me, spread my ashes, and drink an LIT or 2 at my "going away" party aka funeral. Take all my journals and make my life story of it, publish me and make your millions. Mom dad & roxane- you are my life and the reason that I breathe, and that remains true no matter what happens to me. My friends too, you are my world, I can't imagine loving anyone more than all of you people put together!
Okay, now that this has taken a morbid turn, let's focus on the sun, heat, and good times to come! I will do my best to update from the west coast! Enjoy your week!
xoxo
Blake
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
A Whole New Level of Douchebagery
Oh Jon Gosselin- people like you are the reason that reality TV should'nt exist. Did anyone else hear about this? Supposedely this toolbox is going to help design a line of children's clothing. Lord help us. He ditched his 8 kids to go meet up in France with Christian Audigier in France...With his 22 year old girlfriend, of course.
I used to feel bad for him when I watched Jon & Kate + 8. Eight kids, a (seemingly) obnoxious Kate who never leaves him alone- I wasn't suprised to see that they split. Aside from the fact that she seems to be the beign of his existence, we all know - TV can do that to people. I figured she'd be the one to let the fame get to her. But now Mr. Orange Asian Tan is getting his Christian Audigier on?! Is he even qualified for this? STOP RIGHT THERE: looks like Ed Hardy isn't too pleased with the rumors, and there's no children's line after all.
I think we'll all sleep easier tonight without the image of Jon & Kate's eight, Ed Hardy-clad kids, chasing us into the oblivion of tattoo-inspired fashions.
What wont be lulling us to sleep is the constant nagging---No, not Kate's. I'm talking about the little voice in the back of your head that tells you it could happen to you. One marriage, eight kids, and a couple sessons on TV was all it took to break them up. It makes you wonder what kind of society we live in where a father regresses to his 20's and runs off to France for the weekend, instead of stepping up and doing his part...
Thoughts?
I used to feel bad for him when I watched Jon & Kate + 8. Eight kids, a (seemingly) obnoxious Kate who never leaves him alone- I wasn't suprised to see that they split. Aside from the fact that she seems to be the beign of his existence, we all know - TV can do that to people. I figured she'd be the one to let the fame get to her. But now Mr. Orange Asian Tan is getting his Christian Audigier on?! Is he even qualified for this? STOP RIGHT THERE: looks like Ed Hardy isn't too pleased with the rumors, and there's no children's line after all.
I think we'll all sleep easier tonight without the image of Jon & Kate's eight, Ed Hardy-clad kids, chasing us into the oblivion of tattoo-inspired fashions.
What wont be lulling us to sleep is the constant nagging---No, not Kate's. I'm talking about the little voice in the back of your head that tells you it could happen to you. One marriage, eight kids, and a couple sessons on TV was all it took to break them up. It makes you wonder what kind of society we live in where a father regresses to his 20's and runs off to France for the weekend, instead of stepping up and doing his part...
Thoughts?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
In a funk
It's 2:00am and I can't sleep. Once again, no good can come from this...
I'm really not myself lately. When I laugh, it's a cold, strange laugh. When I smile, it doesn't quite reach my eyes. When I talk, I don't recognize my own voice. I'm not me. I'm not laid-back, cool, calm, or collected. I'm hot-tempered, impatient, and stressed out. I need to chill--- but I just can't.
There so much going on. Were relocating to our new house--- REALLY soon. It helps to know that were all happy with the decision. More space, less money- that's a no brained for anyone, especially these days! But I'm exhausted. The idea of packing alone is enough to keep me hitting the snooze button so that I don't have to wake up and face the day.
Add that to work. Working at the spa location isn't what I thought it'd be. It's exhausting, and they need so much coverage since the other front desk girl left that I feel suffocated.
Physicaly, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally I'm in a very odd place. I threw (and broke) my sisters hair brush after an argument with my mother. That's so not me! I haven't worked out in what feels like forever. That's so not me. I found myself crying hysterically and laughing all at the same time the other day. What was THAT all about?!
I'm legitimately beginning to feel as if I'm losing my mind. I'm all over the place, and as cliché as it sounds... Sometimes even when I'm in a room full of people, I still feel so alone. Like no one could understand, even if they tried. And the few people who do get it are the ones who I don't want to burden with my troubles.
I'm tired, so tired. I'm leaving for vacation in 4 days and I'm just so ready to go (aside from the packing thing). I need some time to clear my head, to reconnect with myself, before I truly do lose it.
I just wish I knew I wasn't alone..
I'm really not myself lately. When I laugh, it's a cold, strange laugh. When I smile, it doesn't quite reach my eyes. When I talk, I don't recognize my own voice. I'm not me. I'm not laid-back, cool, calm, or collected. I'm hot-tempered, impatient, and stressed out. I need to chill--- but I just can't.
There so much going on. Were relocating to our new house--- REALLY soon. It helps to know that were all happy with the decision. More space, less money- that's a no brained for anyone, especially these days! But I'm exhausted. The idea of packing alone is enough to keep me hitting the snooze button so that I don't have to wake up and face the day.
Add that to work. Working at the spa location isn't what I thought it'd be. It's exhausting, and they need so much coverage since the other front desk girl left that I feel suffocated.
Physicaly, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally I'm in a very odd place. I threw (and broke) my sisters hair brush after an argument with my mother. That's so not me! I haven't worked out in what feels like forever. That's so not me. I found myself crying hysterically and laughing all at the same time the other day. What was THAT all about?!
I'm legitimately beginning to feel as if I'm losing my mind. I'm all over the place, and as cliché as it sounds... Sometimes even when I'm in a room full of people, I still feel so alone. Like no one could understand, even if they tried. And the few people who do get it are the ones who I don't want to burden with my troubles.
I'm tired, so tired. I'm leaving for vacation in 4 days and I'm just so ready to go (aside from the packing thing). I need some time to clear my head, to reconnect with myself, before I truly do lose it.
I just wish I knew I wasn't alone..
Friday, June 26, 2009
Rest in Peace
Farrah Fawcett who died after a 4-year long battle with cancer. I feel sorry that her death will inevitably be overshadowed by that of the King of Pop. A gorgeous, classic woman, thoughts and prayers are with her family and that she may finally be at peace and no longer enduring any suffering.
and of course the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. There are truly no words for the legacy which you have left behind. Thoughts and prayers are with your family, friends, and the entire industry which you basically created.
and of course the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. There are truly no words for the legacy which you have left behind. Thoughts and prayers are with your family, friends, and the entire industry which you basically created.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Have you read this yet?
My "dating" blog
Hilarious, now looking back on it. Sad when I was writing it. Does anyone know how I could morph my two blogs into one?
Hilarious, now looking back on it. Sad when I was writing it. Does anyone know how I could morph my two blogs into one?
My blog needs
...a facelift! And more updates!
Any thoughts on where I can get a cute layout for this bag girl?
Updates will come later. But I'll leave you with a few teasers:
-I may or may not have gotten a tattoo (when, where, how, why?!)
-I may or may not have a best guy friend who's too close for comfort
-I may or may not have had interest in a guy who (again) is all wrong for me
And oh so much more in the double life of Blake :)
Stay tuned
Any thoughts on where I can get a cute layout for this bag girl?
Updates will come later. But I'll leave you with a few teasers:
-I may or may not have gotten a tattoo (when, where, how, why?!)
-I may or may not have a best guy friend who's too close for comfort
-I may or may not have had interest in a guy who (again) is all wrong for me
And oh so much more in the double life of Blake :)
Stay tuned
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Prescription Nation
It's been a month since I've updated on BDL. I apologize for the absence but maybe this entry will help to explain why I've been MIA. Aside from the usual BS going on in my personal life, I've been under an immense amount of stress at work. Disclaimer: This entry is not meant to offend people, nor to provoke a reaction. I'm hoping that it will reach a few people's whose life I can help change, for the better.
When I hired Susan*, I loved her demeanor. She was a smiling, bubbly, 24-year-old college graduate with a pleasant attitude. I never thought in a million years that she would be one of millions of Americans who sell and abuse prescription drugs.
It wasn't long before Sue started showing her true self, however. She would come in with full-fledge mood swings, and question my authority as well as my intelligence. Soon, she was driving wedges between myself and even my closest of co-workers. What happened here? The complaints came from another worker of mine who once had substance abuse problems. She came to me and admitted to me that she's witnessed Sue sell various prescription drugs out in the parking lot. Then she witnessed Sue taking the same drugs which she was selling. Needless to say, the work place has been tense. I spoke to the owner about what's going on when she's not here. Because Susan is so good with sales, and so good with customer service, it's difficult to believe that she is, what she is. I'm a firm believer that your life outside of work and life inside of work are two seperate lives, and SHOULD be seperate lives. But when what you do outside of work begins to have an effect on the business which I have loyally served for three years, you better believe I'm not happy about it.
That doesn't even begin to cover half of what I know. I don't want to expose too much, because I don't truly know her motives. Someone who I once thought was a fine person showed me a side of her I never expected. It's a shame but it is, what it is. I try to keep my distance from her. If I had the opportunity to fire her, I would. But alas, my boss' reluctance to let her go leaves me empty-handed for a solution.
I don't know what it's like outside of the tri-state. I know people in NY, NJ, CT, PA, ect. all have the same problem. Tons of well-off kids getting high or getting low on prescription pills and alcohol. I'm no angel and I don't pretend to be. But I can tell you one thing: I've never taken something that would ever threaten my future.
The most popular pill right now it called a "Roxy" or a "Blue"...I believe they're oxycodones, aka a narcotic. I've been told that they are similar to a heroin pill- but more addictive than heroin itself. One of my clients told me that he had gone through medical detox in his 40's (he's married and has two children, imagine the shame that put him through) and that they were so addictive they "made a p*ssy of him." And yes, in case you were wondering-that's a verbatim quote.
Now riddle me this: I live in one of the most affluent counties in New Jersey- the most densely populated state in the US. If I lived in the inner city- I would expect this. I would expect people to sell drugs, buy drugs, and do drugs. But here, in a place where we are so lucky to have the best of what money can afford- why are people SO willing to throw their lives away for nothing special?
One of my highschool heartthrobs- got locked up for possession.
One kid I knew from high school- Dead. At the age of 18. Overdose.
One girl I cheered with- now addicted to coke.
Another girl I cheered with- now addicted to heroin (because she can't afford roxies at $20-$40 a pill).
At least 3 kids I knew from middle school- Dead. Drunk driving.
My parents brought me here for a better life. So I wouldn't end up amongst people who are exactly like the people that I can't seem to get away from. My parents hated the idea of going on welfare just because you could in Canada- these kids go on welfare to help support their drug addiction. Some kids steal from their own families, their friends. Some abuse the medicare and medicaid system so they can get their pills for cheap, and sell them for more.
These kids are stealing from the nation, only to be buried a few years later. Accidental overdose, drunk driving, suicide, unknown causes of death. When will the government regulate? When will they stop giving kids pills that can kill them? When will they finally crack down on the drug dealers who sell these pills?
More importantly what about me. What about my mother, my father, my sister? Those of us who are struggling to make it here, who have never done a single crooked thing like this in our life? If anyone needs to be medicated- it's me. If anyone should've given up by now, it's me. But I'm still here, I'm still standing, and I'm as clean as I'll ever be. Sure, I've done some things I'm not proud of, met some people I never should've met, who hasn't. But I've never done something that I didn't HAVE to do- and I'll pay my debt back to society the second the American government gives me the opportunity.
When I hired Susan*, I loved her demeanor. She was a smiling, bubbly, 24-year-old college graduate with a pleasant attitude. I never thought in a million years that she would be one of millions of Americans who sell and abuse prescription drugs.
It wasn't long before Sue started showing her true self, however. She would come in with full-fledge mood swings, and question my authority as well as my intelligence. Soon, she was driving wedges between myself and even my closest of co-workers. What happened here? The complaints came from another worker of mine who once had substance abuse problems. She came to me and admitted to me that she's witnessed Sue sell various prescription drugs out in the parking lot. Then she witnessed Sue taking the same drugs which she was selling. Needless to say, the work place has been tense. I spoke to the owner about what's going on when she's not here. Because Susan is so good with sales, and so good with customer service, it's difficult to believe that she is, what she is. I'm a firm believer that your life outside of work and life inside of work are two seperate lives, and SHOULD be seperate lives. But when what you do outside of work begins to have an effect on the business which I have loyally served for three years, you better believe I'm not happy about it.
That doesn't even begin to cover half of what I know. I don't want to expose too much, because I don't truly know her motives. Someone who I once thought was a fine person showed me a side of her I never expected. It's a shame but it is, what it is. I try to keep my distance from her. If I had the opportunity to fire her, I would. But alas, my boss' reluctance to let her go leaves me empty-handed for a solution.
I don't know what it's like outside of the tri-state. I know people in NY, NJ, CT, PA, ect. all have the same problem. Tons of well-off kids getting high or getting low on prescription pills and alcohol. I'm no angel and I don't pretend to be. But I can tell you one thing: I've never taken something that would ever threaten my future.
The most popular pill right now it called a "Roxy" or a "Blue"...I believe they're oxycodones, aka a narcotic. I've been told that they are similar to a heroin pill- but more addictive than heroin itself. One of my clients told me that he had gone through medical detox in his 40's (he's married and has two children, imagine the shame that put him through) and that they were so addictive they "made a p*ssy of him." And yes, in case you were wondering-that's a verbatim quote.
Now riddle me this: I live in one of the most affluent counties in New Jersey- the most densely populated state in the US. If I lived in the inner city- I would expect this. I would expect people to sell drugs, buy drugs, and do drugs. But here, in a place where we are so lucky to have the best of what money can afford- why are people SO willing to throw their lives away for nothing special?
One of my highschool heartthrobs- got locked up for possession.
One kid I knew from high school- Dead. At the age of 18. Overdose.
One girl I cheered with- now addicted to coke.
Another girl I cheered with- now addicted to heroin (because she can't afford roxies at $20-$40 a pill).
At least 3 kids I knew from middle school- Dead. Drunk driving.
My parents brought me here for a better life. So I wouldn't end up amongst people who are exactly like the people that I can't seem to get away from. My parents hated the idea of going on welfare just because you could in Canada- these kids go on welfare to help support their drug addiction. Some kids steal from their own families, their friends. Some abuse the medicare and medicaid system so they can get their pills for cheap, and sell them for more.
These kids are stealing from the nation, only to be buried a few years later. Accidental overdose, drunk driving, suicide, unknown causes of death. When will the government regulate? When will they stop giving kids pills that can kill them? When will they finally crack down on the drug dealers who sell these pills?
More importantly what about me. What about my mother, my father, my sister? Those of us who are struggling to make it here, who have never done a single crooked thing like this in our life? If anyone needs to be medicated- it's me. If anyone should've given up by now, it's me. But I'm still here, I'm still standing, and I'm as clean as I'll ever be. Sure, I've done some things I'm not proud of, met some people I never should've met, who hasn't. But I've never done something that I didn't HAVE to do- and I'll pay my debt back to society the second the American government gives me the opportunity.
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