Sunday, November 22, 2009

New Job!

So I had a very exciting weekend! On Friday my girl Alison, who is currently interning at a great sample sale company kept hounding me for a resume to send to her superior. Took me a few hours to find it and send it to her, but by 8:00 that night I had an email from her manager asking me if I could please come in and work tomorrow! I had originally taken off to work for my mom and dad (and by work I mean sit home and watch the dog so he doesn't wreck avoc on the house) so I called up Daddy and got the green light from him.

I also decided that because I had already bought the tickets on Fandango that NOTHING was going to keep me from a night with Taylor Lautner and my beautiful Robert Pattinson <3 The movie didn't end till 12. I rushed home after to find something to wear (dresscode: all black. shocking!) for the next day. Well, 5AM came quickly enough. I jumped out of bed, showered, blew out my hair, got dressed, and hiked the mile to my bus stop. I made the 6:58 AM NYC bound bus. A few stops down, a girl who I used to work with at the hair salon, Emily got on. I love love love Emily, she's an absolute sweetheart, and turns out the new salon she's working at is also in SOHO. We got to the city super-early (8:30, I didn't have to be there till 9:30) so we took our time, got Starbucks, took the train downtown, and she helped me find my loft.

No one got there till about 9:30 on the dot, which was fine by me. Soho is absolutely beautiful, and it's not the kind of area where you have to constantly look over your shoulder. It is, unfortunately the kind of neighborhood where you'll pay $1.50 for a CAN of diet coke and $6.95 for a smoothie :( Eventually, I met my co-worker Nicole (in charge of marketing) and we went up to the loft. When we got there, I was slightly overwhelmed. I didn't know the designers (Mara Hoffman, Isabella Fiore, and Sarah Pacini) all that well,and I don't like selling something that I don't know. The merchandise was absolutely beautiful though, so I figured I'd just wing it! They taught me how to use the P.O.S, and what the job entailed. I thought this was going to be easy.

Now I know why everyone hates working in retail. You're basically chasing people around all day, hoping that they remember your name when they get up to the register so you can get credit for the sale. Other salespeople are straight up grimey and will steal your sales without the bat of an eye! Others will waste 3 hours of your time just chatting you up, and only purchase $550 worth of merchandise, when they started with over $1,000 at checkout. That was how I learned not to put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. I worked from 9:30am to 6:30pm, and got a half hour break around 4:15pm. By 6:30pm I felt so tired I thought for sure I would collaspe. But the thing is, when they tallied up my sales at the end of the day, it was so worth it (even though I don't get commission).

It was worth it, so that at the end of the day I could laugh with the same people who had felt exactly what I had felt that day. No one treated me as if I was their subordinate, they merely guided me in the direction they needed me to be. It was nice not having to be in charge for once, and letting others take on the more strenuous duties. My job was to make friends with the clients, pick their brains, choose their looks, and get them to buy them...If nothing else, my numbers speak for themselves: I am a dang good sales girl.

I was too tired to take the hike back to Jersey, so I stayed in Long Island. Overall, a very exciting, very rewarding experience. Hope that all goes well and that I'll be working with them again...Because that would mean that things are finally falling into place.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Running on E

So here's a little-known fact about me. Most people would probably say that they view me as confrontational because I am outspoken, loud, and opinionated. The truth is that I only act that way when the outcome is truly unimportant. For example- if we were to debate politics- we can argue both sides until we're blue in the face- but it doesn't change the country. The truth about me is that I'm actually very non confrontational when it comes to real-life issues-I'd much rather run far far away.

Part of me is guiltily willing to admit that that is part of why I am moving to New York. I need a change of scenery, I need to start fresh. But what I really mean to say is "I need to be ABH (anywhere but here)." New York just happens to be where my chosen school is, a city that I love, and close enough to home that I can come running back if I please.

See it's simple- when things aren't going my way, when things have gone so far off course from where they should be, it's so much easier to escape and start over than it is to tirelessly work as fixing a problem. I mean really, who works at solving things now anyway? The only thing that matters is the outcome. What we experience during our trials and tribulations is no where near as important as the person that these things transform us into. We will forget the hurdles we jumped, but we will always remember the medals we won (or didn't win).

I'm moving to New York out of fear. Out of fear of what will happen to me if I stay here. Out of fear of not having followed my dreams, of turning into my mother. Of never meeting the right person, or worse, staying with the right person for all the wrong reasons. I'm moving to New York to escape the somber reality of my life: I am an out-of-status immigrant, who is working at a dead-end job, and has exhausted all of her opportunities for growth in the town where she grew up. I am moving of New York because I'm sick of living my life in neutral, and accepting mediocrity as a means of payment for the price that is my livelihood.

It's so desperate that it's pathetic. It's so desperate that no one dares to try to stop me for fear of what I might do if I'm trapped here any longer.

It's going to hurt to leave. But I'll hurt even more if I stay. Everything I know about this place is no longer. There is no doting mother, no loving father, there are no more friends that I grew up with. There is my sister, and my aging jack Russell. There are faces of boys that whose gazes I'd rather not meet, and stares from girls I used to be friends with. There is nothing left here.

I'm running on empty.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

In Transit: Poor Immigrant in Search of $$$!

I blame my father for my ability to dream big and the mind that makes me believe that the unthinkable is achievable. I blame him even more for the courage to make me go through with my crazy plans... That's right- I blame him for encouraging me to be a dreamer, a self thinker, and an over achiever.

When I was 18 I thought by now I'd be living with my then-boyfriend in southern california. I'd be doing hair at some high end salon and her be finishing up at some big state university. Wed be married and I would be 3 years closer to my citizenship. It was fool proof: he loved me, I loved him, and who doesn't want to live in southern california?

Secretly, I didn't. I wanted to go to fashion school, right here at home. Where my friends and family live, where we have seasons, and where I don't have to slow my speech pattern to fit in. So I called off all plans by breaking up with him. I knew from day 1 that our coastal differences would eventually cause a rift between us... Plus, he kissed a boy and for that I never forgave him.

So I set out to reach my own goals, and make my own dreams come true. Just me, my GPA, and my full time job. This leads us to present day where I am KICKING myself for not marrying for citizenship.

In a few short months, ill be off to chase my big city dreams with only a few thousand dollars (probably not enough to cover my tuition in full) and an Associates degree. I'm proud of myself for taking the ethical road- if I'm going to make it here its going to be because I did it for me, not because it was handed to me. But I'm petrified! You have to live under a rock not to know how much it costs to live (even in one of the lesser boos) of new york. Add a little over $6000 in tuition alone, plus $550 in rent monthly add the costs of books, food, and the financial aid that I won't receive (despite the fact that I'm basically poor and have stellar grades) and I am in some MAJOR trouble. Short of selling my old non Christian soul on ebay and becoming a stripper I don't know how I'm going to afford this. I could give up food- but school won't do me any good if I'm dead from malnutrition.

I'll take any suggestions you've got...


So I've been doing a lot of traveling around between NY and NJ lately, which leaves me a lot of time to 1) get frustrated and 2) write. I've been writing *typing?* on my phone so I have to email the posts and post them because I have yet to download a new blogging app for my blackberry (any suggestions?).

That being said, I'm going to follow this post with a few that I've written in the past week or so. Enjoy :)


In Transit: Nov 2nd

Lately I've been hard on myself. Its hard to keep a positive perspective when you feel like its you against the world.

So tonight I decided to write something a little more positive! Coming back to new jersey after a weekend of fun in NY is not my idea of a good time. First, it makes me sad to leave my friends and the one place I want to be. It also makes for a lot of alone time and not much to do except listen to music text and sometimes write...

Tonight after experiencing my fleeting moments of sadness I reflected on the scenes that I remember from the bar last night. The crazy stories my friends tell me... Their encounters with frat brothers, one night stands... They're living the college dream-3 college girls with not enough time in the world for all the boys who want them.

I never went away to college- but I've made my share of mistakes. Let's just say the walk of shame isn't easy to witness when he's sneaking out of your actual bedroom and out your front door! Pray the neighbors didn't see him!

With these experiences came the usual feelings and thoughts to accompany casual sex- "Am I a slut?" Or "is the whole town going to hear about this." Or even worse "WHY am I late?" So about a year ago I came up with the solution to ending this vicious cycle of nagging thoughts and questions: CELIBACY.

I'm happy (and proud) to share that I've now been celibate for approximately 13 months. Kissing is about as far as it goes with me- no matter how much I like you, or how much I've had to drink. My life without sex (or a boyfriend even) is so much more focused, and so much less dramatic. I've learned to stand on my own two feet and to rely on my instinct and God's plan for guidance- not some boy who barely knows where he's even headed. I have stronger faith, stronger friendships, more self respect, and higher self esteem. Being celibate made me a better me!

It does slightly complicate trying to be in any relationship... Guys of course, want a girl who puts out eventually, if not pretty immediately. But I hold on to my convictions and I'm holding out till I find a guy who accepts me for me. A guy who accepts a better me than the me's of yesteryear.