Saturday, November 7, 2009

In Transit: Nov 2nd

Lately I've been hard on myself. Its hard to keep a positive perspective when you feel like its you against the world.

So tonight I decided to write something a little more positive! Coming back to new jersey after a weekend of fun in NY is not my idea of a good time. First, it makes me sad to leave my friends and the one place I want to be. It also makes for a lot of alone time and not much to do except listen to music text and sometimes write...

Tonight after experiencing my fleeting moments of sadness I reflected on the scenes that I remember from the bar last night. The crazy stories my friends tell me... Their encounters with frat brothers, one night stands... They're living the college dream-3 college girls with not enough time in the world for all the boys who want them.

I never went away to college- but I've made my share of mistakes. Let's just say the walk of shame isn't easy to witness when he's sneaking out of your actual bedroom and out your front door! Pray the neighbors didn't see him!

With these experiences came the usual feelings and thoughts to accompany casual sex- "Am I a slut?" Or "is the whole town going to hear about this." Or even worse "WHY am I late?" So about a year ago I came up with the solution to ending this vicious cycle of nagging thoughts and questions: CELIBACY.

I'm happy (and proud) to share that I've now been celibate for approximately 13 months. Kissing is about as far as it goes with me- no matter how much I like you, or how much I've had to drink. My life without sex (or a boyfriend even) is so much more focused, and so much less dramatic. I've learned to stand on my own two feet and to rely on my instinct and God's plan for guidance- not some boy who barely knows where he's even headed. I have stronger faith, stronger friendships, more self respect, and higher self esteem. Being celibate made me a better me!

It does slightly complicate trying to be in any relationship... Guys of course, want a girl who puts out eventually, if not pretty immediately. But I hold on to my convictions and I'm holding out till I find a guy who accepts me for me. A guy who accepts a better me than the me's of yesteryear.

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