In Transit: Wasted

So if you follow my sister Roxane's blog at all (I believe most of you do, and if you don't you should---she's infinitely funnier than I am) you know that we are extremely supseptible to alcoholism in this family. We like our wine classy (read: boxed), and our liquor strong (girl bartenders make weak drinks). So after having given up sex for the last 14, nearly 15 months I've decided I'm going to give being sober a fighting chance.

Why?! Why at the hardest point in my life, would I choose to stop doing the one thing that takes off the edge of the everyday stress of two jobs, a failing love life, and my insane family. Why put myself through that? Because I'm sick of avoiding it. Because I don't want to come home to my box of wine because "I've had a rough day anymore". And quite frankly, because I'm getting fat and this crap-ola is getting expensive! I don't want to drink because I'm sad, mad, upset, or stressed which recently, is all I know how to feel. And the most important reason? I don't want to get into the dark, dismal pattern of drinking alone. Unless I find a way to schedule my classes in a fashion that I can commute, the reality is that I'm going to be living by myself. I don't want to be drinking by myself- because happy, sad, stressed, or just bored- that's called alcoholism.

So I'm putting down the drink. I'm staying abstinent (from sex and drinking) for now. And I feel better about myself than I have in a long time, despite my life being a mess. I'm realizing that (as egocentric as this may sound) It's not me---it's "them". I'm not the one causing all the b/s in my life- its school, its him, its work its my crazy mom. The only mess I've created on my own lately is my bedroom, which is suffering from the "Plague of Clean Clothes Not Yet Put Away".

I'm taking control of my life, whether "they" like it or not.
I'm going to do something great...Sober AND abstinent. And I'm going to prove that a good girl gone bad, is NOT in fact, gone forever.

xoxox
LBM