Thursday, July 16, 2009

In a funk

It's 2:00am and I can't sleep. Once again, no good can come from this...

I'm really not myself lately. When I laugh, it's a cold, strange laugh. When I smile, it doesn't quite reach my eyes. When I talk, I don't recognize my own voice. I'm not me. I'm not laid-back, cool, calm, or collected. I'm hot-tempered, impatient, and stressed out. I need to chill--- but I just can't.

There so much going on. Were relocating to our new house--- REALLY soon. It helps to know that were all happy with the decision. More space, less money- that's a no brained for anyone, especially these days! But I'm exhausted. The idea of packing alone is enough to keep me hitting the snooze button so that I don't have to wake up and face the day.

Add that to work. Working at the spa location isn't what I thought it'd be. It's exhausting, and they need so much coverage since the other front desk girl left that I feel suffocated.

Physicaly, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally I'm in a very odd place. I threw (and broke) my sisters hair brush after an argument with my mother. That's so not me! I haven't worked out in what feels like forever. That's so not me. I found myself crying hysterically and laughing all at the same time the other day. What was THAT all about?!

I'm legitimately beginning to feel as if I'm losing my mind. I'm all over the place, and as cliché as it sounds... Sometimes even when I'm in a room full of people, I still feel so alone. Like no one could understand, even if they tried. And the few people who do get it are the ones who I don't want to burden with my troubles.

I'm tired, so tired. I'm leaving for vacation in 4 days and I'm just so ready to go (aside from the packing thing). I need some time to clear my head, to reconnect with myself, before I truly do lose it.

I just wish I knew I wasn't alone..

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