Friday, September 18, 2009

Awkward, Party of Two.

Now would probably be a good time to explain that Blake doesn't date. The closest I've come to being on a date in the last year or so was being stuck in a very awkward "BFTA" (boyfriend tag along) situation where I felt like the 3rd wheel on my friend's date. I do awkward well, it works for me.

But no amount of tag-along dating (which is not really dating at all) could have prepared me for monday night.

You might remember that I started online dating a little over a month ago. At first, I loved it for my ego. A bunch of emails telling me how pretty I am and how badly you'd like to meet me/converse with me! Nice! Except the whole idea of online dating is you have to meet the ones you enjoy talking to eventually.

I didn't even think Mr. Boring was even that interesting on the phone. He wasn't terrible to talk to though, and I thought he was cute...So I gave it a shot. We met downtown for some sushi. First, he (somewhat)insulted me:"You're tall. You look like you should be more petite." Uhhh say what?! My profile specifically says that I am 5'7"! I could have, just as easily spat back "Well your profile didn't tell me that you're actually only 5'11, or about your nasty case of acne." But I bit my tongue. "Be a lady, Blake. Be a lady." Is what I kept telling myself.

He then complained that we couldn't get drinks there. When I told him there was a liquor store next door, he didn't want wine or Sake. Fine. When the bill came *AWKWARD ALERT* he let it sit there for a good while. I was the first one to touch it. I picked it up, looked at the bill $31.24 to be exact, and set it down, prepared for anything that came next. He then proceeded to take the bill, stick his card in it, and pay it. What the hay?! What was he thinking?! Why would you ever let a girl see the bill in the first place, if you intend to pay it??

After that he suggested we go for drinks...Not wanting to wander far from the downtown area where my dad works and could give him a good a$swhoopin at any given time, I suggested a place down the road. A vodka club, and patron shot later, conversation was still mediocre. Now ladies, I'm not naive enough to believe that you can bring a guy to a bar on a Monday night without him sneaking a look at the football scores. But would it have killed him to be discreet?! At least he didnt blink when this bill came.

Mr. Boring then had a stroke of genius. It's 8:30pm on a Monday night. We've already eaten dinner and gotten drinks. But noooo, Mr. Boring must be a night owl because he decided to drag me further into town for something else. I wanted so badly to go home so this tool could be done with. But instead we settled for watching Final Destination 3. I walked up to the desk, with him behind me and asked for two tickets to the movie, fully expecting him to step up and pay for it. Did he, you think? NO. This idiot not only had me pay for my own ticket, but for his too! On a first date?! What is this world coming to???

At this point, Mr. Boring was practically salivating at the mouth, and I'm so pissed off I think I have steam coming from the ears. Add to that the fact that I felt totally uncomfortable with his gawking! I could see it out the sides of my 3D glasses!!! Of course, he tried to kiss me when I got out of the car that night (EW!) and after I denied him, he kept trying to call me/text me/ facebook me.

How much do you think Mr.Boring would be willing to spend a clue? Maybe the $13 I had to pay for his movie ticket? Don't get me wrong. I'm not a gold-digger, and I pride myself on my independence. But I can appreciate being treated like a lady, especially on a first date. Not only did he fail to pay, and act so boring and awkward that it was cringe-worthy. But he also neglected to open doors for me, or do anything that would be courteous or gentleman-like, which he had described himself as.

Ah well, another one bites the dust.
Who's next?!

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