Saturday, September 19, 2009
Concrete Jungle Where Dreams are Made of
"But I never share my thoughts,
This is all a ni**a knows.
And every time I try, it opens up my eyes.
These verses are a chance to be remembered and reprised.
And I would be performing just as long as Im alive.
So every word I utter will be mine."
I'm in a 'New York state of mind'. I can't wait to leave this place...
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a hip hop, R&B, and pop music junkie. If it's on top 20 or listed as an up and coming hip hop song, I've probably heard of it. It's so weird to be a little white girl, who grew up in the suburbs, but who can relate so well to the music. I guess that's the idea of being any kind of recording artist- to reach an audience. The idea of being a stellar recording artist is to reach people that you would deem untouchable.
Anyway. The quote I posted above is from Drake's song titled "Fear". Drake is actually one of the actors from Degrassi who's turning out to be pretty successful. Lots of support from Lil' Wayne, which I can't imagine hurt him. But I love the song...That's what I'm trying to get to. I love the song because even though it's sad that money DOES change everything, I can't wait to get to a place in my life where I feel like I've made it.
Working 55 hour work weeks, getting paid late and not enough, and being exhausted all the time does not make me feel like I've made it. I'm so tired of my life feeling like a struggle. At times like these, I have a moment of clarity and I understand why my mom is so crazy and so hell-bent on her kids succeeding. I can't imagine the burden my parents feel, knowing that so many of their dreams (including the ones they had for me and Roxane) have failed.
I can't wait to make it. I can't wait to bail out my family, to do the right thing and to move forward with my life. I know it's going to be a long, hard road. But anything is better than what I am currently living. It's like I'm in limbo...I hate my job but I can't afford to leave. FIT is making me re-apply for their Spring semester. I have no idea what I'm going to do for work in NY or even where I'm going to live. The only thing I do know is that I'm going to make it happen.
I've got to make it happen.