Monday, April 27, 2009

Heart of gold

The more I am filtering my interactions with people, the more I find myself being compassionate.
By nature I am just like my mother- judgemental, compassionate, over-bearing, annoying, and loving. I have a temper like my fathers but I also inherited his stubborness and his ginormous heart.
Here's the catch: learning to allow people in your heart who truly belong there.
I have been hurt so many times by allowing the wrong people into my heart and into my life; giving myself too wholly and too quickly to people who in the end were ungrateful and undeserving.
So I'm learning- which is the good news. I've let go of so many people who don't deserve me and made room to accept those who do. And what do you know?! I keep meeting people who I actually want to spend time with and be around. Intelligent, challenging, bright, beautiful people who make life easier and more enjoyable. People who I don't groan at my phone when I see their number come up on the caller ID.
The most amazing part is this: for years I rejected this part of myself, declaring that I was sick and tired of being treated as a doormat. I hid behind the mask of a mean girl and put up walls, saying that those who really loved me would be willing to break those walls down.
Now I know, now I understand. People who put walls up do it out of fear, pure fear. Love cannot exist or thrive in fear- it can only fail. Those who take advantage of me, hurt me, disrespect me will be dealt two hands- my own and more importantly Gods. They will lose me, and they will dissapoint God, who knows how much I struggle with this heart of mine.

How free it feels to just be me. I won't allow my past misteps and mistakes to define the person I am today. Yes, I am human and I have made mistakes. I will continue and I will learn- but my accomplishments so far outweigh the mistakes and I can't forget that anymore.

With that said: Im backkk


1 comment:

  1. Hi Blake! I've gotten hurt by so many people in my life but you know what you get up and keep going! You don't look back only forward and continue on with life, I'm a firm believer and seen it, what goes around comes around. Life, however it works, makes you pay for everything before you leave this world, I know, I've seen it. Don't dwell on the past...keep going forward, tommorrow is what matters.


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