Blake's on hiatus!

As per usual, I am MIA during the week. I should blog more now that I'm working at the boring spa. The truth is, I am blogging... Just on a super-secret blog that not even my lovely sibling knows about. Why so secretive? Because it's not really a blog. So far, I have written 10 blog entries about my overseas not-so-love-affair. Why? You might ask. Because, I've always wanted to write a fiction novel, and dang it, I think it's a pretty good idea.

I'm sorry that I can't share :( I would but because it's happening to me, right now, at this very moment- it's very difficult for me to be open about it. You'd be surprised at how attached you can become to someone's personality, voice, and other things not counted in the physical. No matter how realistic it is. So more about this project... Not even UK is aware of me taking note of the words that we exchange. No one can know. I'm sharing my secret with you bloggety peeps, and I'm not even sure why. Maybe this is just my way of teasing you and making sure you'll buy the book someday when I publish it ;) It's written in letter form, from "me" to "him" and slightly embellished but completely and totally candid as to how I feel towards the situation. It's some of the most brutally honest and open things I've ever written. Hence, why it's so difficult to share. Who knows, I could be too chickensh*t to ever even really finish it. Not finishing it means I don't have to share it, which in turn means I dont have to be criticized, ridiculed, or with any luck at all, praised... But I see potential to capitalize here (I'd give him a cut of the money if it was substantial). How AWESOME would it be to write a book, publish, and sell it and barely be out of college?! Again, slightly unrealistic. But a girl can dream.

I've always wanted to write an autobiography. The truth is,
1) I'm not famous or rich therefore no one would care
2) I have a skewed view of my life
and
3) I think it would be entirely too dark & my family would resent me.

I know it may be hard to believe but I have a fairly gloom and doom view on my life- it's not how I want to be remembered. As I strive to be a better, sunnier person, and as I try to fight off my struggles, I'm trying to rewrite my future so it doesn't mirror my past. It takes a lot of effort, but I reallly am consciously trying to be a more positive person.

That being said, it's much easier to write a fiction based on something which ultimately has little or no bearing in my life. As opposed to writing what I wish I had the nerve to write.

Blake