Sunday, March 8, 2009

The Britney Spears Paradox

Summer 2007- I had just broken up with a long-term boyfriend (my high school sweetheart, I guess you could say. I was totally vibrant, think Britney Spears circa her and Justin Timberlake. She was America's sweetheart, I was the Jersey Shore's. I partied a little bit too much, and made a few mistakes. By the time the end of July came around, I wasn't feeling like myself. I pulled a Britney. I dyed my hair medium brown. I shocked the world around me by doing so. I was platinum blonde prior to that. People didn't understand why, and I didn't either. I know now what I didn't know then- it was just another (failed, pathetic) attempt to run away from myself.
Fall 2007- My friends came home from college for Thanksgiving, to find me with a very dark brown, almost black head of hair. The gasped in shock, and asked why. I didn't know. I didn't care. I had a new boyfriend, and he seemed to like me just fine the way I was. They asked me about this boyfriend of mine, and gasped some more when I explained that he was 26 (I was 19), divorced, and had two children (no custody). If they thought that was bad, I should've explained his gambling troubles, refusal to pay child support and alimony, and oh yes, his drug dependency. It wasn't long until he earned his nickname- KFED.
Winter 2008- KFED and I broke up. I've been trying to find myself ever since, and every one is rooting for my comeback.

What's so funny is that from the inside looking out, that's how I see myself. What's not so funny is that hardly anyone on the outside looking in can see the truth.

1 comment:

  1. I love the way you express yourself and yes, I laughed when you said "I've been trying to find myself ever since, and every one is rooting for my comeback"

    and I can relate with "hardly anyone on the outside looking in can see the truth" but sometimes I wished people know and sometimes I wished people did not know. I don't know its hard to explain. I know,I sounds like a nutcase.


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