Ok, so maybe I have a reputation for not always saying how I feel. I'm a different person in "bloggy world" than I am in the real world. In the real world, I would never be so bold as to wear my heart on my sleeve. I would never have the nerve to say how I really feel. But I guess that's why I joined the bloggy world... Because even if you were to judge me (which no one should be, right?) you still don't really know who I am.
My head is spinning. I'm so overwhelmed I don't know where to begin. Music is my only escape. Every time I try to turn to God, I don't feel the same I used to. I can read the bible, I can listen to the songs- but it's like me & Him are in the middle of an intense conversation and then I drop the call. By the time I reconnect with God, I lost my train of thought, I'm exhausted and I "hang up". This is the calm Blake speaking, thinking somewhat rationally.
Wait for what comes next.
Oh no, Angry Jersey Gina (my alter ego) is surfacing: "FINE, ya wanna know how I really feel! Let me tell you. First of all, work was a f*cking drag today, I don't think I'm makin' enough money. Then I come home and my motha and my sister can't f*ckin speak to eachother, and my dad ain't here to regulate. Quite honestly, I still f*ckin hate this him being gone bullsh*t. I hate my godfather for the retarded sh*t he says about my grandmother and truly hope he beats her to the grave (if you know what I mean). I wanna strangle the sh*t out of CROOKS for being such a shady mothaf*cka and lying, I swear if I could take out his godd*amn knee caps, I would. Filthy f*cking liar, trailer-living, mama's boy, low-life, mothaf*cka. Then on top of all this f*ckin garbage, I got a math project that I didn't f*ckin start and yeah, I know "math partner" it's due TUESDAY. Thanks for the text messages reminding me you stupid b*tch, I'm slow, not irresponsible, f*ckin girl. Oh, and I have no f*ckin money. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. F*CKIN FABULOUS
Ok, I'm done. Now I get to go back to being normal Blake. :)
You know when you just need to flip out and let it all out? I just pretend to be someone else so I don't embarrass myself.
Back to work on the Gauss-Jordan elimination.
xoxo
Blake
ps- I'm not crazy, just slightly dysfunctional ;)
pps- Jersey Gina tends to appear more when I'm drunk. Tonight, I was sober.
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We should be allowed to throw rocks at people.
ReplyDeleteBut, just me and you. No one else is allowed.
::points at mom:: she started it!!!
ReplyDeletejk lol love you
ps. my verification word was "joydm"
WOW I think I like Jersey Gina......I wish I was like that and could get it ALL OUT!!
ReplyDeleteGirl I LOVE YOU! I totally identify myself with you, I also blog because I can't tell EVERYTHING to people and I can't be myself all the time and if I can't be myself for too long I start to go crazy and my bad side would emerge.
ReplyDeleteI also feel the same way towards God,sometimes I can't tune on the same channel that he is on and I have to settle for a bad fuzzy statichy channel, I feel like I am yelling to get my point across and it get frustrated (geez I know I am not making any sense but that's just how I feel.)