Monday, March 2, 2009

Oh, Merry Monday

This is the wonderous view outside of my work today. This is how you know I was not designed to be a Canadian citizen: I despise the snow. My joints and bones ache at the very thought of it... For whatever reason, the Big Red Sun aka my boss decided to keep the salon open today. WHY?! Who is going to come tanning when theres inches of snow on the ground and the roads are badly plowed?! WHO?! The answer far 7 people. I secretly loathe all 7 of them, just for coming in on what should've been a day off for me.
I called my Nana's house today to talk to my dad (who has now been in Canada for over a week, bless him) and she said he wasn't there, that he went down town because he couldn't take being there. I don't know who I feel worse for. I know my dad is stressed out and miserable over there, but I feel really sorry for my 87 year old Nana who clearly feels very helpless. I guess I feel sorry for the lot of them, including myself.
I try to avoid feeling sorry for myself at all costs. Momma actually said something positive today. I was in my bathroom (you know that mom who doesn't knock? that's my mother) and she barged in and said "Why do I feel like you're hiding something from me? Your mouth, it's odd, like you have something to say but you don't wanna say it..." Truth be told, this is how I feel: I used to be so certain that my family was going to make it. I'm not so sure anymore and it petrifies me. I don't want to look back at this as time wasted. I don't want our dreams to remain dreams forever. I want to live, I want my family to thrive. I want us to get what we all deserve! It kills me to think it might not happen. The worst part is, I can't admit it to anyone. My sister would be angry, my mother would probably agree, and it would hurt and dissapoint my father. He always told me he would give up the minute he stopped believing. If he believes in this, then how come I can't? I digress... The point was to say that Momma brought up this point: "There's so many out there who have it worse than us. These American people, they're losing their houses. We didn't lose ours, we sold it. We spent all the money, but at least we got something for it. These people are homeless. And what about the kids who's moms and dads are in Iraq. They've waited 5 years or more for their parents to come home, and they don't know if they ever will."If you knew my mom, you'd know how rare this is for her. I'll cherish that moment of clarity and rationality from her. But she's right, and I felt foolish for being so self-centered.
That having been said, I want to take a minute from my selfish rambling to thank all of the American women and men who defend our freedoms every day. Because you're not just fighting for our freedoms, you are defending the FREE WORLD, and putting your life on the line. Thank you for being so selfless.
I should probably get back to work.
Missing my dad :(

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