Saturday, March 7, 2009
So yesterday, I posted a blog about someone who I said lives a double life that could rival mine. I don't even know where to begin. I guess we'll start in 2007- which is when I first met this person.
Initially, we didn't get on so well. Our best friends were dating at the time, and after a failed attempt at dating my best friend's boyfriend's cousin, I got stuck with Crooks. Crooks is ultra- Euro. So much so that I was incline to think he was gay. The way he dressed, the way he spoke, I mean I am by no means homophobic but it annoyed me. I had to go out with these people all the time, and I was stuck with the guy who wasn't going to like me because he liked men. Or so I thought. After a few meetings and a truce not to make fun of each other anymore, I realized that this guy was going through a lot. He was 24, with a long-term girlfriend in another state, and she was (to my best understanding) a b-i-o-t-c-h. She demanded the most ridiculous things, for example: "I want a range rover by the time I graduate college!" This girl was at best, delusional! I mean to be real, Crooks is a mama's boy, and he lives in a trailer. But I'm jumping ahead.
By the end of summer 2007, I spent more time with Crooks than I did with the girl who introduced us (my then-best friend who turned out to also be psychotic). By the end of summer, him and his ridiculous, demanding girlfriend were definitely on the outs. We spent all of our nights together, and never crossed that line, until the night that he kissed me. That kiss spiraled into the most vicious rounds of rumors, name calling, and overall mayhem. I had mutual friends calling me, referring to him as my 'boyfriend' telling me that I was "in love" with him. This made me so angry, I can't even begin to explain. So I did what any immature, overly self-conscious 19 year old would have done- I cut him out of my life.
We spent the next year avoiding each other as much as humanly possible. It wasn't so difficult- our best friends broke up. We still knew a lot of mutual people. Sometimes it got ugly- I once smacked his best friend across the face, one purposely spilled his drink while he wasn't looking and called him by a colorful array of names. I was hurt. The person who I thought I could turn to had betrayed me- all for a kiss!
Fast forward to January 2009- we're both outside the place where we first met (a convenience store we both frequent when there's nothing else to do). I'm walking out and he's glaring at me. He rolls down his window and calls me over to his car and asks me "Can I just ask you something? What happened? Why did we stop being friends? Why did we stop talking?" I gave him some vague reasoning and we exchanged numbers again. Later that night, we started texting back and forth, he said he missed having me to talk to, and had been through a lot. He also said that he was done with his ex. We made plans to hang out and catch up face-to-face.
When we hung out, all felt right again. It was like the good old days. We joked, we caught up, we encouraged each other to keep going- which we've always done. To say that we know everything about each other is an understatement. Today I know that I only know what he wanted me to know- and even that is debatable. I'll never know now if the things he said to me were true or just another batch of lies.
February 2009- I was seeing someone and noticed that every time I approached Crooks for advice, he seemed to get annoyed, jealous, or just down right hurt. I also noticed that he would retaliate by telling me about the girls who were 'crazy' about him or what not. At the time, it didn't phase me. Then, things ended up not working out with the guy I was seeing. Mid way through the month (right after Valentine's Day, actually) Crooks told me that he loved me. I've never heard him tell anyone that he loves them, except his ex. I didn't know what to say. I knew that all these years, there had always been a little more beneath the surface of our friendship, and I knew he didn't mean friendly love. We had always joked about getting married (mainly so I could get citizenship), but now he was questioning it. In conversation he asked if I would ever consider really marrying me, and when I said "Why are you asking me this? I don't know!" he said, "you know I'd take good care of you." He wasn't joking. I could hear it in his voice. I think I hurt him by not letting him know how I felt, but I needed some time to absorb it. Almost two weeks went by. He didn't want to hang out anymore, and except for some late night phone conversations it was like he disappeared out of my life. I was hurt. He knows my sister got denied her visa, he knows my Dad hasn't been here. He knew I was going threw so much. It killed me that he couldn't be the friend he had always been, and be there for me. He was one of the only people I could turn to- having been an naturalized citizen himself, I just wanted to know that I wasn't so alone. That someone outside of my family, GOT IT.